I'm A little chicken shit

 Without mentioning any names...there is a running club in kl every Saturday for queer guys. Can't help noticing there are many professional. Successful men who join the run, being open and just being themselves. I contemplated joining for so many times but ended up being a chicken shit. What are my concerns you ask?:

1. I am worried about being exposed

2. I am worried about coming out. When I am not ready to come out. I wonder if I ever will come out, or want to come out coz coming out is scary. It means I got to be myself and let people know I like men. So what's so wrong to like men??? There's nothing wrong about it. It's just that I do not know if I have it in me to be open about it. So no one knows about you?? There's 1 friend of mine who does and all my life he convinced myself that I just haven't met the right girl...or that I just seek the things I seek in other men coz I felt deprived of them in my own self...


Heck who am I shitting? It's easier to blame it on him than to actually figuring out about it myself.

On the other hand, U can't help but to wonder...do all gay men have an online personas that is completely..or the least vastly different than who we are in real life?

Speaking for myself, my ig posts are rather compromising. I confidently say that I have fetish for a certain things..which are pretty obvious. In real life, I do no act or dress as such ....the hypocrisy of it all!!!

Some of the nice guys I do chat with (who also runs on Saturdays) told me it is a safe place to meet and network. The fact that I do not have any gay friends.....I don't know how to be or act with them.

Is it common to be friends with ppl u've seen naked? Is it a norm? I'm genuinely asking. Does sound like stereotyping...perhaps I'm genuinely asking about the stereotypes 

I don't know. Don't kecam me. Instead, welcome me with open arms. Take me for a ride, road trip into the brotherhood, will you?

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